Her Life, His Way

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Category: Song of Solomon

Sex and Relationship Advice from the Song of Solomon

September 8, 2016

Have you ever wondered why God gave us sexuality but then didn’t give us any real practical ways to be able to control it? … More Sex and Relationship Advice from the Song of Solomon

12 Comments Sex and Relationship Advice from the Song of Solomon

Why I Won’t Let My Husband Be Away from Me

June 9, 2014

{Please note: This post is recommended for the married, or those of a marriageable age. There is nothing explicit in this post, but I am discussing the marriage relationship. While I try to do this in a delicate and sensible way, if such things offend you, please refrain from reading further!} I never let my husband … More Why I Won’t Let My Husband Be Away from Me

12 Comments Why I Won’t Let My Husband Be Away from Me

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Boldly Before the Throne of Grace // Praying to the God Who Takes Away Shame
Boldly Before the Throne of Grace // Praying to the God of Deliverance
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Boldly Before the Throne of Grace| Praying to the God of Small Things
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One thing I've been slowly learning over 10 years of marriage is that my husband will always be himself. He will always want to tell those corny jokes—whether I choose to scold and frown or to giggle and roll my eyes playfully. He will always find love in my acts of service, whether I choose to serve him or tell him (with all the feminist venom I can muster) that he is fully capable of doing it himself, thank-you-very-much. He will always appreciate those same things, whether I chose to serve him in that way or not. He will always be my less-emotional-than-me rock if a man—whether I choose to admire and uphold his strengths or belittle his weaknesses. Of course, my husband can and will grow and has grown, but what he grows into will always be a stronger, more self-controlled, more temperate version of himself. I can’t change who he fundamentally is, all I can do is either choose to love him as he is—as God made him to be. To ask him to adorn a different set of strengths is to try to bend him in a way that God never intended—to try to take the place of God and tell Him that the man he made isn’t good enough. And so when he throws out those ridiculously corny jokes, I choose to laugh—and I see the man I married, the man I dated, the man I know and love so much better now, but who is still that same man. And when I accept that he is who he is and always will be, we both change for the better—in all the ways God intended—and we both end up smiling and laughing instead of annoyed and hurt. Love how you would want to be loved: love people for who they are, for everything God made them to be, and in a way they can feel truly loved. And that can be as simple as choosing to smile instead of scold—knowing that they will always be who they are, and you can either delight in that or become the angry, nagging woman who makes her husband dread coming home. I can’t change who he is, but whether I respond sweetly or venomously is my choice. Lord, help me be sweet. // Proverbs 21:19; 31:10-12 \\ #herlifehisway

How much have you struggled over your Bible knowledge? • We've been studying about Reformation history and how it brought the Biblical text in the English language to us as it is today—and what had really struck me during this study is how much they were willing to sacrifice and suffer for the privilege of simply knowing and helping others to know what the Bible says. Would I be willing to do that? Do I act like I'm ready to die for the privilege of holding these precious words in my hands? 📖 When I glance at a verse, have no idea what it says, and am satisfied to walk away without struggling to find out what it really says— 📖 When I skip over topics because they’re boring or difficult and I choose only to study what I know or interests me— 📖 When, after years of study, I'm content to only know what's fed to me by others— —how can I say the Word is truly worthwhile to me? If I haven’t invested anything in it, how much will it really mean to me? You know, Satan tried to destroy the Bible—he tried to restrict access and persecuted those who tried to possess it—now I believe he’s trying to make the Word so commonplace that we don’t appreciate the fact we have GOD’S WORD in m a n y versions on our shelves and on e v e r y device. In the past people died for just holding a part of the Bible—but we can find it in its entirety at the dollar store, the thrift store, for free online at a click... But just because the Bible is everywhere—that doesn’t mean it is worthless. And also—just because it’s on your shelf that doesn’t mean that you really own it. Make sure it’s in your heart, not just on your shelf. Make sure you make it precious to you by investing plenty of time and struggle into your pursuit of His will. Create in yourself the heart of someone who would die to know exactly what God wants for the world—and would be willing to suffer and sacrifice anything to share His will with others. To truly have the Word mean something to you, you’re going to have to struggle, spend, and sacrifice. What will that look like for you? #herlifehisway

I used to think that mental illnesses were a sign of spiritual weakness—that any depression or anxiety experienced by the Christian meant they just weren’t trying hard enough. I also used to think that any measures taken—whether counseling, therapy, or medicine—were wrong. The Bible was enough. The church was enough. God was enough. Anyone who didn’t see this was just weak. But then I experienced extreme perinatal anxiety—real, crippling anxiety—and I learnt what it was like to have intrusive thoughts enter into my head that I didn’t dream up. Thoughts that had no reason to be there. Visions of jumping or falling out of a window. An overwhelming fear of banisters and heights. A constant feeling of dread and doom, despite knowing and telling myself that everything was okay, that God was in control... With the encouragement of my husband, I sought help—and was diagnosed with OCD and PTSD. I still believed that mental illnesses were a weakness—and so the guilt ate me up, at first. So while my therapist believed I should start medication, I tried to tick all the boxes: I was praying, studying, + involved in church; taking care of my physical health with exercise + good food; reaching out + being social—I was doing everything “right” and I still wasn’t “better”. And so, in desperation, after trying everything, I took prozac—and I realized once and for all that there are chronic diseases of the brain that we can’t fix ourselves. Christians, if you’ve: 1) ruled out worldly anxieties (Matt 6:25-34); 2) trusted that God is in control; 3) done everything to bring your thoughts captive (2 Co 10:5); 4) cast your every care on Him (Phil 4:6-7); 5) actively practiced righteousness—and there is STILL something wrong? There nothing, nothing wrong with seeking whatever professional + medical help it is you need to find relief from your pain. And if it does mean that you have a weakness? What IS it that God says about our weaknesses? 🤔 His grace and strength are sufficient for every 👏single 👏one 👏 In fact, it’s our weaknesses that make His power PERFECT (2 Co 12:9). No matter your battle, if you are clinging to God through it all—you have NO reason to be ashamed.

You try so hard to instill good manners and morals in your children. You try so hard for so long. "What do you say?" is said 100 billion times a day (at least, that's what it seems). You have battles of willpower as your child refuses to say "please", pray, or help with the chores. You wonder whether your child will ever take these things on board, if you'll be reminding them for the rest of their lives, or if you are going to mess them up entirely. And then... THEN... after DAYS and MONTHS and YEARS—your child says, "Thank you" without being reminded. They stop before the open door without running out or having a tantrum. They say the sweetest prayer you could ever imagine with prompting. They sit still throughout the whole worship period. They give you the longest hug they've ever given you—without you asking. And you think to yourself—all of that pain and struggle involved in trying to maintain consistency was worth it. Some days seem so long, I know. Consistency is hard. But it IS so so so worth it. I hold two sayings close to my heart during these early years—years full of fun, but also full of just plain hard work: "The days are long and the years are short" and "These years are full of sowing and not a lot of reaping—yet." Sometimes it feels like you're doing everything and achieving nothing—but hold to it, mamas. Consistency doesn't pay off overnight but it does pay off. And I know, some days are so so long—but the years are short and the reward is GREAT. Hang in there mama. Keep training. Don't let the world tell you how to parent. Trust the Lord—don't lean on your own understanding—and He shall direct your paths. Even as you parent. #herlifehisway

Seize those small, in-between moments of the day to connect with Him. It doesn’t have to be a certain amount of time. It doesn’t have to be uninterrupted. And certainly doesn’t have to be perfect. Because despite all it is not, what it will definitely do is strengthen you and give you focus. The perfection rests in the persistence of the pursuit. Don’t let your idea of perfect come between you and things that are good. 📖 “I will meditate on Your commandments and set my mind on Your ways” (Psalm 119:15). #herlifehisway

When you are feeling unsteady and out-of-place, facing uncertain situations, and your abilities seem inadequate to the tasks and trials ahead, remember: you were created for t h i s space. • Have confidence in the fact He created you for good works (Ephesians 2:10). • Have confidence in God's ability to recreate and transform you in the areas you are lacking, especially when you feel stretched beyond all your limits (Romans 12:1-2; James 1:2-4). • Have confidence in His supremacy: He rules both Heaven and earth—you will never lack anything that you truly need to have success in doing His work (Matthew 28:18-20). • Have confidence in the position He gave you and promise that holds: you have been adopted by Him—chosen to have a part in His blessings, inheriting the earth and a place in Heaven because of who your Father is (Romans 8:15; Matthew 5:5). You were created for this space, for this time, for your circumstances, for the people that surround you—to seek Him, to do good, to conquer, to gain the victory, and to bring as many people along with you as possible. Take courage, my friend. He did not create you for failure. 📖: "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them" (Ephesians 2:10). "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces patience. And let patience have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:2-4). #herlifehisway

KEEP SHINING ANYWAY • Do you ever feel like your work is going unnoticed and unappreciated? I think we all do, at times—and we certainly aren't alone in feeling this. Think about it: Jesus COMPLETELY changed the lives of the ten lepers—but only one turned around to thank Him. He asked the one, “Where are the none?” And really, where were they?! Here were 10 men doomed to die a slow painful death, Jesus healed them, and yet the majority of them didn't even stop to give a simple “thank you” for this life-changing help He had graciously extended. And here’s the thing we need to remember: Jesus' work was NOT meaningless, despite the lack of acknowledgement. Sometimes you may help people who never acknowledge that you were a help to them. They may not even ever thank you. They may even dislike you. And you know what? That’s totally okay. How can we expect any different, when Jesus Himself was unappreciated? Just keep doing what you know is right. Ripple after ripple, change will happen. Whether your part in it is acknowledged or not, you still had a part. You may have a great impact on people and never hear about it—but if absolutely no one acknowledges our work but Christ, then we have done well. Keep shining, bright light. 💡⭐️ • 📖: "Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1). "Then Jesus answered, "Were not ten cleansed? Where are the nine?" (Luke 17:7).

I'm sure a few of you have noticed that I don't post on here all that much. That hasn't been entirely out of laziness I promise, it's mostly because I've been pretty sick for about five months now. I won't go into detail about it, but basically I had flair up of my panic disorder, a sinus infection, an ear infection, pneumonia, and a couple other infections I'd rather not mention. And even though my symptoms have subsided, I can't seem to get better · No, this isn't me trying to throw myself a pity party. I promise. But because of all this illness, I've fallen into what we are pretty sure is malnutrition. I'm underweight, my hair and skin are dry and brittle, moving around is difficult as I feel weak all the time, I have a consistent high fever, hot and cold flashes, I get upset far too easily, and I'm completely unable to work, go to school, or even go to church about 75% of the time. · It's really easy to think, "why aren't people checking up on me?" "Why don't people care?" "Why doesn't that person seem to be concerned?" It's easy to feel alone when you actually Are alone about 99% of the time. It's easy to think, "But I've been there for so many people. Why isn't anyone here for me?" · I don't seem to be the only one who struggles with this. I see things that express the same concerns posted all over social media. A lot of people seem to be "the kind of person who helps everyone but never gets any help themselves." It can be so easy to feel that way sometimes, can't it? · So I did something. I reached out to a couple people. And you know what happened? They were more than willing to give me encouragement. As it turns out, funnily enough, people don't usually know your needs until you tell them. And of course people are going to act like everything with you is fine, if you don't tell them that everything isn't fine. Why didn't I realize this before? · But on an even larger scale, God sees and knows our every need and He's waiting for us to go to Him. He's waiting for us to say, "Hey I'm going through this. Will you please help me?” So please. Reach out to your Christian family. Reach out to God. Ask for help. There's absolutely no shame in openness. -JM

Oh Lord God,  I'm thankful that you are the God of my little struggles as much as you are the God of the bigger things. You are the Master of the Universe, but you are also the Master of my life—every piece of it.  Sometimes I forget that—I try to struggle along by myself and things get out of balance.  You are the God who can move mountains and who keeps my tears in a bottle. You care about my every struggle, small and great—increase my faith so that I may trust in your power to bring me through every one. #herlifehisway • Continue reading: https://herlifehisway.com/2019/08/20/boldly-before-the-throne-of-grace-praying-to-the-god-of-small-things/

He is always good—and He is always, always enough. More than enough. Exceedingly abundantly more. Even when we aren’t. Even when this life isn’t. When everything else in this broken world lets us down—He is always there. And He is everything we could ever possibly need. 📖: "Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” (Hebrews 13:5-6). #herlifehisway

Self-reliance and pride say, “I can fix this problem myself by just being ‘good’ enough”—but faithfulness and trust say, “I know the one Who can fix this, and I’ll trust in Him and lean on Him—even if I never see the day He fixes my mind or body on this side of eternity.” We seriously miss the point when we think the point of the trial is to work harder on strengthening ourselves—because the true point of any storm is to let it bring us closer to Christ and to find our every strength and need supplied by His perfect power and provision. We don’t need to be stronger, we need to lean on Him harder. When we are weak, then we are strong. It is He who strengthens us, not we who strengthen ourselves. When we work to “fix” ourselves, His light isn’t shining—it is we who get the glory. His light shines brightest when we fully acknowledge our weakness and full dependence on Him. That’s when HE gets the glory for our victories. Maybe sometimes the reason we struggle and fall so much is because we haven’t fully grasped that yet. Maybe He’s trying to show you through your trials that you aren’t strong enough and that you desperately, desperately need to draw closer and cling to Him. When the storm is crashing around you, and you find yourself fighting and flailing against the raging current—lift up your eyes and cling tightly to His outstretched hand. //2 Corinthians 12:9, 10; Ephesians 6:10; Philippians 4:13; Matthew 15:30, 31\\

“Our value, yours and mine, derives from our origin. We often read Psalm 139 to bolster our self-esteem. But when Psalm 139 reflects that humans are fearfully and wonderfully made, it does so to raise our eyes from our mirrors to our Creator. It’s a passage about w h o made us before it is a passage about what He made. It is an appeal to origin-based value.” —Jen Wilkin, None Like Him #nonelikehim @jenwilkin #herlifehisway

You will have people tell you a lot of different ways to be godly with your body—eat this way, don't eat this other way, sniff this, take this supplement, vaccinate, don't vaccinate, move this way, don't move that way, be under or over this certain size—but in the midst of all the confusion, realise this: there is only one way to glorify God with your body and that is to give it over in service to God. That's not to say He doesn't care about how we steward what we're given—but TOO OFTEN we confuse obsession and selfishness with s a n c t i f i c a t i o n. Our care of our bodies is only pure if it is fully dedicated to Him—and it must always, always be f a r at the bottom of our priority list. Looking after our bodies doesn't mean obsession. This doesn't mean hours a day in the gym or on a treadmill. This doesn't mean becoming #swole or #fitspo-worthy. True stewardship simply means looking after our bodies like we do our vehicles or our houses—enough for them to be of service to us and less of a hindrance as possible. Ask yourself: why are you looking after your body? ...to look good? ...to be skinny? ...to fit in with a certain crowd? ...because you hate yourself? ...because you need to burn the calories you have eaten? ...or because you want to give God all your strength—and you want to give Him as much of your strength as you can? You know, anxiety over food and our bodies is e x a c t l y the anxiety that God condemns (Matthew 6:25-34) yet, ironically, it's exactly the anxiety we tend to encourage, perpetuate, and allow to grow in our hearts—all because of a false notion of what holiness means. Cherish your body enough for it to be useful, but make sure that you cherish your soul and its Saviour SO MUCH MORE that your body becomes almost nothing to you—merely a vehicle for His service and one more reason to give Him praise. #herlifehisway

This book, "Exposed" by Emily Hatfield is w o n d e r f u l. In a religious world full of fluffy ladies' books, this stands out. It's practical and Biblical—and perfectly brings together historical facts, biblical truths, and modern day applications in every chapter. It's meaty and well-researched but also broken down into easily digestible chunks - it'd be perfect for a ladies' class discussion! I'm 3 chapters in and can't put it down. 😍 Get you this book over at @thelightnetwork.tv! #womenoftheword @emuhleeeh

If we want our kids to grow up knowing about God's will for them—we must teach them His will for their sexuality, both inside and outside of marriage. We must teach them how wonderful and beautiful their sexuality is, as well as how dangerous. We must teach them how to celebrate their sexuality while keeping it under control. We must teach them the God-given purpose and place for their sexuality. We must tell them of the freedom and joy that comes through honoring sexuality as God would have it be honored, rather than just teaching them the God-given restrictions and boundaries. If all they know is what they can't do and they are never told HOW to love a spouse, WHY they should save themselves for marriage, and how much joy it will give them if they do—there will be problems. Our children will be infinitely more curious about sexuality, they will be tempted to explore and listen to what the world has to say about it, they will be an hundred times more likely to step outside the bounds, and in the end will be very ill-equipped to love a spouse or be loved by a spouse the way God intended. Ignorance is not innocence. Raise children in innocence, but do not encourage ignorance—there’s no shame in embracing the way God made us, as long as we submit it all under His will. Let your children know about God's will for them and the way He created their sexuality— teach them how they need to learn self-control and the right place and way to achieve satisfaction (in marriage). When they are ready (BEFORE they date), teach them what romantic love inside and outside of marriage looks like from the Song of Solomon. There’s no shame in the way God made us. Our sexuality is a beautiful and wonderful God-given gift—not a thing to be ashamed of. Don’t create shame where there is none. Satan loves silence and shame—because that’s the best place for sin to grow. Ignorance is n o t innocence. Tell them of the dangers, yes—but also tell them of the beauty and joy. #herlifehisway

What I choose to do has never made sense to those I work with in the world. Why on earth would you choose to give up a whole day's pay (or right now, half my annual income) to go to church? It doesn't make sense to them. I'm very grateful to be in the position to where I honestly just don't even think about it. From a young age, I was very fortunate to have parents that led me to always putting God and worship times first. Because of this, as an adult I've never had a problem making the decision to choose to go to worship over other activities—even now when there's money involved. I honestly just don't even think about it anymore. And through it all, I've always found God's promise to be true: "Seek the church first and I'll make sure that everything you need will be provided to you." For some, who perhaps haven't had the same upbringing as I, I'm sure this is an extremely difficult leap of faith. I understand that. While it's not a choice for me there have been many prayers this year, "Lord, please bless my efforts. You know I won't compromise my service to you—so please bless my work despite my neglect of my business in favor of Your service. Help me to have just enough.” It's a prayer that focuses me on Him as I conduct my business—but a prayer that I also KNOW He will answer. Hasn’t He promised that? Not prosperity, but PROVISION. That’s what Matthew 6 is all about. Lay aside the worry of trying to have MORE of the s t u f f of this world and instead focus on having MORE of God and His church—and you’ll never have to worry about the worldly things. You will have food and clothing. Maybe not nice food. Maybe not nice clothing. But enough. Enough not to worry. And so I beg you to consider your heart as you make the decision whether to work, play, or worship. I know, there are jobs that HAVE to continue—life and death kind of jobs—but if you’re not involved in life-saving, then you have to ask yourself, what are you really seeking? What do you really have your trust in? Just try Him. Taste and see how good He is. You may end up having less stuff, but the peace and provision He gives when we lay our everything at His feet is worth every sacrifice.

I'm probably not going to be popular for saying this, but... it needs to be said. You all don't want to know what this Aussie girl thinks about gun control—but in light of the shootings, the one thing I can tell you with all certainty is that it really does NOT matter what I think. Honestly. Someone was overcome by evil. People died. People are grieving. ...and now we're making this about our political opinions? For shame. I mean... have you ever taken a moment to think about what that looks like to the world when we as Christians use tragedies to talk about gun control? Can you imagine how you would feel if your loved one dying spurred a worldwide cry about the murder weapon? There are lives and precious souls effected by this tragedy—what you think about your rights to a gun does NOT matter in this instance. Surely you can take a moment to reflect and think of something God would rather have you say and do in the light of tragedy? Something actually helpful to those suffering and wondering whether there is even a God? How about using the situation to draw people to the light—to show them hope, love, light, and grace? How about using it to praise God, rather than defend guns? Surely we can at least agree on that. Or not. It's your choice. But I'm telling you, whatever you choose—guns or no guns—more of Him is the only thing that's going to make this world better. Preach Christ in times of tragedy. Preach Christ, not guns. (And no, they're not synonymous). #herlifehisway #prayfordayton #dayton #christculture #christoverculture

So often we’re tempted to think that it’s the big things that shape us—life-changing decisions, public shows of faith, long hours of study, and mission trips—but while these are wonderful, too often we miss the simple things in our pursuit of the spectacular. While we pursue purity and perfection, let us not forget to embrace the small acts of devotion—like choosing a moment of meditation over a scroll through Instagram, engaging in prayer rather than listening to the radio, or opening the Bible app instead of candy crush. Too often I opt for the mindless and easy option—but I’m resolving here and now to do better—because it’s these small things that, while they may not “wow” anyone or seen incredibly meaningful, will shape our souls. It’s these seemingly trivial choices that will show where or heart really lies—and that will prepare us for when opportunities to do those big, challenging acts of faith come our way. Choose Him in the small things, every day—because it’s the small, consistent ways you choose to spend your time daily that show who and whose you really are. #herlifehisway

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Recent Recipes and Ramblings

Boldly Before the Throne of Grace // Praying to the God Who Takes Away Shame January 10, 2020
Boldly Before the Throne of Grace // Praying to the God of Deliverance November 24, 2019
Cut to the Heart: A Deeper Look at Self-Harm September 18, 2019
3 Ways God Strengthens You When You Feel Inadequate September 9, 2019
Boldly Before the Throne of Grace| Praying to the God of Small Things August 20, 2019
Loving God When You Don’t Feel Like It August 2, 2019
The Thorn in My Side: What I Learnt When God Didn’t Take Away My Anxiety June 7, 2019
Don’t Tell Me to Just Be Happy: 5 Verses for When Joy Seems Impossible February 19, 2019
Are You Sure That You Know God? February 16, 2019
When Silence is Just February 1, 2019

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